In times of good and bad

This semester 2.1 has been an emotional rollercoaster ride. I’ve experienced all the emotional dread I never wanted to and never thought I would. But yet I’ve surprisingly managed to get through this period of time (even though this dread is going to continue)

Thankful for these people for staying by me always and never failing me even though sometimes they are truly done with my bullshit. 😦





Repeated photos but here’s the background story :’)

Potota: Quick we need a selfie

Me: toilet?

Pres: Faster outside, there’s too many people in the toilet!!

*3 of us runs to the entrance of the mall*

Potota: omg the lighting here is point

Pres: okay quick quick!! Omg nice lighting

Me: okay, next time 6.45 we stand at this spot for good lighting photos//

We had a short heart to heart talk and it was relieving to my stress, i’m so glad i got to talk it out to people I know that I can truly be who I am, love ya all to bits and pieces.✨✨

“Family is anyone who loves you unconditionally” Thank you for being the people I choose to be my family. 

3 Day filming FEELS

I’m at a loss for words now because all I can feel is that loss of emotional attachment. But it’s okay!! Here goes the spam of photos :’)

Day 1:
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CREW
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Day 2:
(Because all that we took that day was just Snapchat videos :/)

Day 3:
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Eternally grateful to all these people 😦

TO THE TALENTS:
We sincerely hope you enjoyed reading the letters we wrote for each of you, and thankfully, you all liked the caps we got HAHAH (great taste, jq & cheryl) Here’s the solo dedications. We’ve bonded so much, I can’t believe it’s been only 3 days that we’ve known each other. I’ve never made friends that fast. EVER, and this is the first.

nicholasJUNWEIFABER:
Thank you for allowing us to annoy you from Day 1 and for making things less awkward between all of us. Even though we never say that your acting is good, and we senselessly say that Bernard is “King bernard”, but you’re gold; for all 3 days of filming. Thank you for spontaneously running to and fro and making sure that we got the best shots. Even though you keep laughing and turning potentially good shots into bloopers, we still forgive you HAHA. Looking forward to your botak days in army.

BERNARD:
WE GOT YOU! Thank you for finally replying jq’s msgs, and for your quick adaptability to the scenes. Damn, and your high expectations have helped us in getting GREAT shots. Thank you :’) Even though you have a super busy schedule, but you squeezed out 2 days to help us. Your acting is VERY THANKFULLY spot on and if not for junwei and your spot on acting skills, our scenes would not have been so real. 😥

Look at them wanting to be part of our crew HAHAH
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TO SPRINGY PRODUCTION CREW
I know I can be brainless at times, and jq can be very annoyed at me, but i’m thankful fro being part of this team. We’re done with filming this sem, may everything go well 😥 Thank you JQ for your many running shots that you did well. YES.
And cheryl and esther for being such awesome crew members. Now that the filming part is down, we’re (only) left with editing and animation!! WE CAN DO THIS!!

Just thankful

(Decided to do some rambling writing therapy)

I’m mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. From school. From school friends. Maybe it’s just me.

But I’ve been so stressed i don’t even know how to really feel anymore, almost like I’m going numb.

Seriously need to get away somewhere with my Sec sch friends. Like the urge is real, but school work is catching up on me and I’m trying so hard to keep afloat.

Started on the “40 Day Fast and Prayer” book (for Christians) whereby we do a daily reading about God’s Word. Just the last Saturday, my church’s senior pastor preached about keeping ourselves nutritioned and well-fed with God’s Word. And how God’s Word should be our food.

It’s hard. really, with all the wordly temptation and having to compromise between God’s wisdom or the world’s wisdom. Lord help me. I’m trying. I try to be nice, i try to forgive easily.

Be slow to speak, slow to anger, fast to think.

Nobody said this journey was going to be easy. Nobody said CMM was going to be easy. But then here I am, I MUST and I HAVE TO consistently remind myself: God has put me here for a reason, given me that kind of O Level grades for a reason. He has seen me through ym Secondary school days (The days when I tried seeking Him for comfort, and He gave me friends I can call them ‘Home’, He gave me the treasured feeling of feeling comfort in my closest friends. Thankful for that).

God will look out fro me. In any situation, Faith, consistently remind yourself that God is there with you. People pray, people cry. You’ve cried out to God. Everything may not go the way you want them to go. But it’s in a path that God has planned out for you.

To cry out to the Lord, and He hears you. Always. You are after all, His daughter. 

Geylang Serai Bazaar 2016

Honest opinion here: Never going back there again.

I’m sorry, I apologise, I know my comment isnt doing the place justice. It was too crowded for my friends and I too enjoy ourselves on a Saturday, and so our plans on settling our dinner failed.
Not only was the place crowded, heading back to the east was a torture. Sure, the buses heading to the bazaar came at pretty decent intervals, but the buses back? It was crazily difficult to find the bus stop.

We walked and got lost for almost 30min.

Alright, but nonetheless, it was an experience. One heck of an experience.

So we decided to settle our dinner at Payar Lebar Mall @ GreenDot, which very conveniently, had a local (NOTE: LOCAL, NOT KOREAN) Bingsu place that sold absolutely good bingsu, at a price you’ll never regret paying; $12.90.
The Bingsu flavour we ordered the “Tiramisu and Red Bean”, and it was THE BOMB. I’ve honestly never eaten such great bingsu before :”)
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Other than this, here’s some photos of today 🙂
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(#1) Where are you now

Writing is an intellect’s way of bleeding. (A small post dedication to Moulin Rouge for the heartbreak)

Night falls. The wind howls. The streets are quiet .

She sits on the porch outside her house, book in hand and camomile tea on the table next to her. The crickets near by are rubbing their wings, providing peace. She inhales the fresh air and stares at the sky.

Stars. A starry night.

Closing her eyes, a memory came instantly. How he left, not a word. Just a hug and he was gone physically the next day.

The pain hits her in the heart and she opens her tear-brimmed eyes.

drip, drip. Her tears fall off her cheek onto her sweatpants. The raindrops fall from the sky.

“God. Why?” She whispers and trembles as goosebumps form. She sniffs and picks up her ballpoint pen.

He left

She writes.

No, scrap that.

He left Where are you now

The thunder in her heart claps. The trees in the distant sway, the leaves rustle in the wind.

Promised you would take me away with you
You never really did.
Taking my heart, leaving me with nothing
But a broken soul.

She chokes on her tear and muffles her sob with her hands. Can’t let anybody hear it.

Not Mum. Not Dad.

I still look into the sky
Pen in hand

Soul still broken, the heart; gone.
Where are you now?
Don’t leave. I need you here.

“Honey! Come back in, the wind’s getting stronger!”

“It’s a thunderstorm, there’s going to be a thunderstorm soon!”

Her parents shout from inside the house.

The sky isn’t as dark as it was just now. The stars are gone. Lightning flashes around the sky, illuminating the shed next to the house.

His arms around her. His words that comfort her. 

“Hush, we’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. The world may be against us, but we’re together and nothing will fall on us. We’re together. Forever.” His voice resonates in her mind. His quiet singing to soothe her to sleep; now gone. Just like him.

“Soon, I’ll head in soon!” She shouts back.

I’ll see you in another dream.
Like any other night.
I’ll stay lost in the thought of you
because we’ve both faded.
Wherever I go, you’ll still be the ghost in the room.

Rain pelts down onto the earth. The storm’s coming. Her heart beats faster and she closes her book.

“Come back. Please.” She whispers and grabs her cup as she enters her house.


Far beyond the border of her house, there he stands in front of his Jeep; hands in the pockets of his drenched trench coat. The rain falls on him like stones in his heart. He fumbles with the lock in the pocket and coughs.

“Hey Matt. She’s gone in. C’mon lets go.”

He removes the hand from his right pocket and stretches it in front him, feeling the rain on his new skin. His friend starts up the car and accelerates , pushing Matt to the  ground.

“Come on, Matt. Get in!”

“Alright, alright.” He sweeps off the dirt from his hands and takes one more look at her house, making sure that her room light goes off, before entering the Jeep.

“Goodnight Charlotte. Sweet dreams.”

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Fur’s 18th Birthday + meet up

It’s been a hectic week and God knows how grateful I am for them. For always being my source of joy and comfort each time I am with them. Over the past week, my Poly life has been crazily surreal. But it’s a good kind of surreal. I’m thankful (eternally grateful to God for all that has happened) for my teachers for believing in me, thankful that I’ve FINALLY SUBMITTED MY SINGCAM PROPOSAL 1, thankful that the first Stop Press Editorial meeting went well. And most importantly, thankful for Ugly Club.

So we celebrate Fur’s birthday (and now I’m the last one to turn 18, among them heheh) by surprising her at her house. We actually bluffed her that we would be celebrating her bday for her by bringing her out for dinner. But hey, we struggled with our heavy bags and laptops, through Bedok Mall to get ourselves food, and for Fur of course. Then we went to her house to wake that sleepy caterpillar from her deep sleep.

Honestly, I’m so glad this is like one of the few surprises we succeeded. :’) So here’s some photos of the day. (Spare your eyes. and pls put all judgements aside.)

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Friendship isn’t about being inseparable, but about being separated and knowing nothing will change. – Ted, 2012

Thank you to all of you who will forever have a special place in my life, for being there in every season of life. That we can smile and cry together and push one another through the changes in life. They were wrong. Change isn’t the only constant in life, you guys are.

Falling carelessly

I remember your smile, how it brightens up my day.
I remember how naive I was to believe
To believe that you truly were there for me.

Maybe it was just me.
Just me and my wishful thinking.
But I still want you to understand that until now,
I still see those photos and feel my heart.

How much my heart aches
How my brain hurts when I think of us 4 years ago.
A memory that will probably only stay precious to me.

Not you. Or at least, not anymore.

Were we really too young to differentiate the meanings of a crush, an EC, a person we like, a person we love, from the bottom of our hearts? Maybe that’s what happened.

When we spend too much time with each other, hearing too much of the teases from our classmates, I think it swayed our feelings a little. And it made me fall even harder and more carelessly for you.

I was young. I was thirteen;fourteen. I was naive. I had dreamt of us in my sleep;dreamt of us at 16, at 17. They were all wishful thinkings.

We were young and careless in our feelings. And now that we’re 18, you’ve gotten yourself a girlfriend you are so in love with // I’m still single. But I’ve reached a stage whereby when I see your photos on Instagram, I can’t help but smile a little at how happy you are.

But still, a bit of my heart sinks tug at my 14 year old self so hard, I wish that was me. The 14 year old me would have cried myself to sleep.

The 18 year old me just smiles, likes the photo, plugs in her earpiece to her laptop, puts on some happy songs and writes a blog about her feelings.

I just hope I’ve matured and if we meet again, I will smile at you and not run away. I’ve yet to change that.

CAMP (indiana) JONES

Currently going through about 70% camp withdrawals even if it’s only been 5 hours since break camp 😥 This camp has been mentally and physically draining, from having constant initial meet ups with the Plog heads, to creating dry runs, making new friends along the way. It’s been a GOLDEN EXPERIENCE and I wouldn’t have wanted to share this first experience with anybody else but CMM :’) Once you get attached to something, you actually learn to treasure the moments more than you thought you would have.

Camp Jones was AWESOMELY FUN and all these photos will remain part of my memory lane through TPCMM.

CAMP DRY RUN

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CAMP JONES (ACTUAL DAY)

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To the heads: Thank you for your constant perseverance and pushing us (ploggers) through any hard times we faced together during the preparation of the camp. Now that we’re done, I’m definitely going to miss our after school/ weekend camp meetings.

To my station partners, Wilkin & Pris (and MINAH Mira), I wouldn’t have traded any station masters for you all. You guys made my first camp experience such an enjoyable one and I wouln’t trade anybody else for you all as station partners!!

To Perth buddies, THANK YOU FOR GOING THROUGH THIS JOURNEY TOGETHER. It would have been different without you all.

To end of this wonderful blog post of thanksgiving (Thank you to God too for keeping me strong through this journey that I was initially unsure if I could stand through, but seeing how much the freshies laughed and cheered so much at our station, I could feel how blessed I was :D), here are the things that are stuck in my head from CMM DAY 2016; AKA CAMP JONES ❤

“Peanut Butter, Jelly”
“Plog got enemies, got alot of enemies, tryna drain us off this energy. Tryna lead the wayyy for our freshies. Gotta get em slayiiiiinnnnnn cos they rappin'”
” Loggers tell them who we are!! SAIKANG WARRIORS SET UP GAMES AH. Without loggers what is camp ah!! DOWN WHOLE DAY JUST TALK COCK AH”

So much love for everyone (who were alongside me) in CMM DAY 2016 NOW. :’) Pls have more camps like this. CMMiG CAMP NEXT!!!!

A cry of the lost, a cry of delight

Have not been going to church for so long, I don’t know if i really feel right now. These few days have been an emotional roller coaster ride for me.

My friends are out being wonderful Junior SLs to the new Freshmen, while I’m at home getting scolded by my mum (LMAO). I’m finally done with Global Citizenship, but I’m thankful for having God along this ride with me through 3 weeks in Perth with my poly mates and completing this CDS project.

A new semester is coming up in a couple of days and i’m not feeling ready for it. Writing this post, I hope my faith in God will gradually strengthen little by little.
Matthew 6:33
But seek first the Kingdom of God,
and His righteousness, 

and all these things will be added to you

Staying faithful is hard. And I have to admit, I’ve been losing faith for a little while. But today made everything better. Maybe it’s God way of telling me that whatever He has planned out for me will never be taken away from me. No matter what happens.

During this week when my dad has been overseas, I’ve been sleeping with my mum every night. So one night, I started breaking down from all the emotional self-inflicted stress, ranging from sem 1.1 to UWA. To the people in poly I had honestly thought i knew their true colours, but made me have a change of mind about them. Thing is, I don’t even know if it is true. Or that my heart has been twisted to be biased against them. It’s unfair to them, because it’s not like they’ve actually done anything to me. I cried so much that night, I fear for my own sanity.

But then today, God stood by me.

We had our campus paper meeting with Mr Ngiau and we were assigned to reshuffle our desks. So because I’ve written an article about the School of Engineering, I felt that through that experience, Engine school is actually quite interesting and has much to be reported about! So I stayed. And together with my team, there were 3 others.
Fast forward, I volunteered to be the Editor for that news desk and when I told my teacher that, i don’t know, but I think he seemed some how expectant and had that “I told you so” kind of expression on his face :’) It’s a good thing I guess?

So just now, I whatsapped him about the thought he had about having an overall editor in chief for the campus paper. And he replied that while the results are not yet, so he has no right to disclose the results, but he said that I am “still earmarked to be part of the overall editing team”.

Is this a way of how God blesses me? Maybe God already has a road planned out for me, one that allows me to pursue my writing dreams, and He is treasuring it for me. Thank you God. I just honestly pray now and truly praying that this will not be a disappointment. Because whatever happens, I know that God is here for me. And His plans are always the best.

Thank you God, for everything that You have done. For never giving up on me, and handing me the path only You know that is PERFECT for me. I pray to never lose faith anymore, and even if i do, things that happen in life will spur me to continue to persevere through your plans that You have for me. Amen.